Poor Old Michael Finnigan, Begin Again…

I’ve been thinking about beginnings. Appropriately enough I have decided to begin a blog. I assure you I am under no delusion that anyone is particularly interested in what I am doing, or have to say, enough to warrant an online journal ( I myself have been turned off by society’s recent affinity with themselves). — So please, make no assumptions. I am merely standing at a new beginning with the hope of outwardly expressing intent. My deepest dream? To live on my , most-true authentic path. To be, “fulfilled by my own life hourly”, as I once heard Julia Roberts describe her own path.

I have had the notable pleasure of having had many extraordinary beginnings. I’ve begun remarkable relationships, extensive education, beautiful meals, and auspicious travel… deep prayer, long bubble baths, and juicy conversations… As I’ve been pondering the experiences I’ve already had I wondered if they were leading me anywhere in particular? Can I look back and say, “I’ve worked really hard to get where I am and where I am is exactly where I want to be”. While I would say “yes” I have had to go through a lot of hard work; and I suppose “yes” it has led me to a place of greater self-mastery and daily divine inspiration, the answer is definitely “no” I haven’t reached a place where I am content. At least physically…

You know that old saying that goes, “the only thing certain in life is uncertainty”? Yea. And I am so acutely aware of this life law that most days I’m uncertain how I’ll even pay the next bill… Coming to a place where I can live in peace with this fact has been long and difficult to say the least but I have recently become more masterful at it. I’ve learned to apply one of life’s other majestic laws– the one about being so present in the moment that even the next 5 minutes isn’t on your radar. And so moment to moment, grace to grace, I deal. And it was important to me to build my metaphorical house on a firm foundation– So I know in some respects it could appear (and even I have worried) that I’m starting a little late. But this path, this journey, matters to me! And I’ve been listening– that those who are divine– those spiritual lighthouses–are built upon rock. I’ve had to strip down nearly 80% of my life just to begin building it back up again in a way that is healthy and strong. This has left me in a position where most of my efforts and concerns were on a more spiritual/healing journey then say…landing myself at a Fortune 500 company. And while a part of me wishes I could live the life of a monk in Tibet, with concern for only the important things *wink wink*, I have gotten a more steady stance on my own firm foundation, and I have discovered that the idea of marriage, children, career, or whatever day-to-day tasks make up this worldly life, are not so scary anymore. And frankly, no one is offering up the big bucks for me to just sit around and “find myself”. So I guess I’m at another new beginning… creating a more comfortable existence within the world physically. Anyways, I’d like to express gratitude to myself– for not doing what I wasn’t ready to do when everyone else thought I was strange; for not beginning things I wouldn’t have been able to finish (at least gracefully and without hurting others); and for not being so scared to begin… this time around

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